You're Invited!

In John 1, at the very beginning of his ministry, Jesus meets John and two of John's disciples. Walking with his two disciples, John sees Jesus and points to him saying, "Look, the Lamb of God!" Intrigued and curious, the two disciples approach Jesus and ask of him, "Rabbi, where are you staying?" to which Jesus replies:

Come, he replied, and you will see. (John 1:39)

Immediately upon meeting these two, Jesus warmly and gladly welcomes them into his home, into his life, into his ministry. Immediately.

What if in this same way, I invited the preschoolers I work with through Project Grow into my heart? If, in this same way, I accepted and loved the kids I meet and work with at the domestic abuse shelter? If, as Jesus did, I instantly opened my life to high school friends, new and old, that I meet as a SPYL leader? If I even opened my heart and life, in this way, to current friends and family, roommates and teammates?

John 1 goes on to tell the story...

So they went there and saw where he was staying and spent that day with him... Andrew was one of the two who heard what John had said and who had followed Jesus. The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother, Simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah". And he brought him to Jesus.

WHAAAAT?! Gosh, before you even read my reaction to that, have your own. If that hit you as powerfully, as you read it, as it hit me this morning, just soak that in for a second.

Just because of who Jesus is and the way he warmly and wholeheartedly welcomes, people can't help but want to go out and immediately invite others in, too. Andrew, after encountering Jesus, literally wants to do nothing but go grab his brother and say, "Yo Simon, get a load of this!!!"

What if we invited others to this Jesus thang in this same way? With immediacy? Into our hearts and our lives and our homes? And what if our invitations came not tainted with our own wit and charm but were authentically and solely pointing towards Jesus? What if?!

If you are still reading this, I invite you to invite.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Tis the season!

This year for Christmas, my family and I will actually be in Australia. Rather than sleepily walking downstairs, still in pajamas with my sister on Christmas morning, we will be snorkeling the Great Barrier. Instead of eating, drinking and being merry with a house full of my crazy family, perhaps I will be petting a Koala bear or learning to throw a boomerang.

Either way, while the upcoming vacation is something my family and I are excited about and have been looking forward to for a while, I think the non-traditional-ness of it all has made me feel extra thankful for the very Christmas-feeling things sprinkled through life in these weeks leading up to the awesome and hope-filled celebration of Jesus' birth in Christmas.

The last few afternoons spent with my little girls, we have been pretending we are Christmas elves. Yes, we even all have our own elf names. I've been sworn to secrecy, though, regarding our names and most of our elfish activities. I will, however- lucky you!- share a few of the highlights... we've built adorable little gingerbread houses, have been crafting surprise gifts for family and friends and daily practice a few of our favorite holiday carols.

'Tis also (yay!!) the season for fun Christmasy Young Life events. Monday night was the beloved ugly Christmas sweater club. Here are a few of my favorite shots from that.

Pk and little Abe

Mayhem!

Partridge in a pear tree?

Elf spaghetti (and candy canes and chocolate sauce and syrup) eating contest

Jessie!

I.

Love.

These. Girls.

The team I am so, so blessed to serve alongside.

Christmas! It is sneaking up very, very quickly but I'm still finding Advent joy and hope and anticipation, nonetheless, in all corners of life. Why? Because with the birth of Jesus at Christmas we receive in the world:

"Immanuel- God with us." Matthew 1:23

Hold me

Jonny Diaz this morning gave voice to a lot of the things my heart's been feeling lately.

I need you to hold me,

when the storms begin to rage. 

Because you know me, 

and you know that I'm afraid.

Oh I'd rather go around 

but I'm following now 

so I'll trust that we'll make it through.

Just help me remember,

I'm never alone, 

I'm walking with you.

Bad at Winter

Every afternoon I nanny starts like this: I walk to Ella's elementary school to meet her and her friends as the bell rings. Then, me and my posse of 9-year-old chatterboxes walk to meet Charlotte and the other "littler kids" at their bus stop. From there, Charlotte, Ella and I walk the remaining two blocks home.

This afternoon, when the three of us got back to the house, as I was setting down the art projects and lunch boxes I somehow inevitably end up being bogged down with during our walk, I shuddered and remarked, "Gosh it's cold out! I think this might be a hot cocoa kind of afternoon." To this, Charlotte matter-of-factly said, "You say that almost every day now. You know what, Nicole? I just think you're not very good at winter."

And she's SO right! I am bad at winter. I hate the way Wisconsin winters water down my energy and optimism. I hate the months of grey blah-ness. I get giddy sometimes thinking that this could be my last winter spent so far north. But more than anything, I loved the way this spot-on observation of Charlotte's criticized me.

Christian marriage counselor and now popular author, Gary Chapman, proposes that there are five main "love languages"- ways people express and interpret love. They include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

Undoubtedly, I feel most loved and appreciated by people when they express that they care for me through words of affirmation. I never feel more loved than, whether through a note, on the phone, or just in conversation, I hear specifically what someone might appreciate about me.

So, perhaps because of this (I think it's a logical conclusion, anyway) I've been noticing lately that I also really, honestly appreciate and sometimes crave almost the opposite of verbal affirmation: constructive criticism. And that is what, this afternoon, my sassy little Charlotte provided me.

I think, especially as someone who might seek to serve the Lord and others, it is absolutely crucial that we know what we are good at, and what we are not. That we be conscious of who we are, who the Lord made us to be, and just who we are not. That we are ever being made aware of where our gifts and talents are, and where they are not.

This afternoon, then, as silly as it may seem, served as a reminder to me that I am just not someone who can really appreciate a bitterly cold winter. I really think it bogs me down more than others, I feel less joyful and alive. It just doesn't jive, maybe, with how I am supposed to, from here on out, live. Thanks, Charlotte! But I, through self-criticism and hearing the criticisms of others have also learned other valuable insights about myself. And hope to always continue to grow in that way.

On a lighter, more winter-friendly note, there are certainly some positives to these cold, pre-Christmas days. One such positive: Ben Rector's Christmas EP. You should download it. Only thing better? Listening to Ben Rector serenading me with Christmas cheer while enjoying Trader Joe's Cocoa Drizzled Kettle Corn. Mmmm.

 

Beautiful Things

Sometimes Monday mornings are just terrible. But sometimes they're not. Sometimes they are the "my 3-hour 8:00 am lecture only lasted an hour so I'm now drinking a gingerbread latte and listening to good music in front of a cozy Starbucks fire" kind of not so terrible.

In the same way I was surprised by the goodness that arose from what could have been just a typical, potentially-terrible Monday morning, I've been noticing just beauty and hope in unexpected but wonderful places lately. Amidst the grey, gloomy and FREEEEEZING Wisconsin winter weather that seems to have finally come to stay, the Lord is definitely still crafting beautiful things in my life.

This song, "Beautiful Things" has been stuck in my head and heart lately. It never fails to remind me that because the Lord is good and great, He can and does make beautiful things. Out of us- crazy, stubborn, selfish people. Out of icky and tragic situations.

The life of the little preschool friend, Kayla, I'm working with through AmeriCorps this year is ugly. It's hard, it's inconsistent. She and her family, without a home of their home, move from staying with one family member to another every few days. She comes to school hungry and exhausted most days. Some days my time spent with her is literally made up of hours of this: her just collapsing in my arms.

But I'll take it. Because from this seemingly destitute situation, beautiful seeds are being planted. Kayla has grown to be able to trust me and understand that, at least for this year, I am a constant in her life. I'm someone who just loves her and supports her. And so some days, I get to see evidence of these beautiful things with her.

Some days Kayla and I get to work on art projects together.

Some days Kayla and I play "head, shoulders, knees and toes" together.

And on really, really good days, Kayla smiles :)

In other, maybe smaller, but still encouraging ways, I'm noticing little beautiful things.

This Thanksgiving was amazing. And drama-free! What?! Out of my crazy and dysfunctional hodge podge of a family, came a fun and relaxing and enjoyable day.

The Badgers are playing this weekend in the Big Ten Championships. And then hopefully the Rose Bowl. And we're headed to Indy! Really, really, really excited.

My house has been Christma-tized. Only months ago, pre- major house facelift, 205 looked a little like an abandoned crack house. Now, the outside is new and jazzy and the inside is comfier and jollier than ever. (Melissa, by using this I am not suggesting you should Tweet or Instagram more often, I just dig this picture)

Maybe early Monday morning blog posts while I'm slightly overly caffeinated are obnoxious. But maybe there's merit to the optimism and energy and excitement I feel for this day and the life I get to live. From anything, the Lord can weave a beautiful, fun and worthwhile story. And how gooood is that?!

Thankful

Psalm 95: 1-2

Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before Him with thanksgiving...

Yes, perhaps it is because I am finally headed home this evening to celebrate Thanksgiving, but I am overwhelmed with a thankful heart this morning.

I am beyond thankful for parents who love and adore and support me. I am thankful for sassy little sisters. I am thankful for adorable and encouraging cards from grandma.

I am thankful for a full house at the holidays. I'm thankful for good food, hilarious conversations, traditions.

I am thankful that time of year people travel to gather, to share food and to share life. I am thankful for the hope present in this season- hope for the birth of a baby savior, hope for new and better things in the year to come.

I am thankful for slow morning. For blankets to snuggle in, enormous coffee cups to enjoy, milk at the bottom of my cereal bowl to slurp and just time to wake up slowly.

I am thankful for friends, for memories and laughter and giddiness.

I am thankful! Blessed, but thankful.

Happy Birthday, Laura!

The last year for me has been so full and blessed, truthfully in a lot of ways because of the addition of Laura in my life as a good friend and roommate. 

I adore this girl more than she'll ever believe. I respect her and admire her and look up to her and appreciate her and lean on her and just really really love her! Today she turns 21 and as I celebrate her, I can't help but reflect on the amazing blessing she's been in my life.

In the last year-ish we've grown to somewhat have each other figured out. We've learned each others strengths and weaknesses, quirky habits and odd senses of humor. We've laughed a ton. We've vandalized our own home. We've travelled across the country. We've been to Devil's Lake a whole lot. We've lived some gooood, good life. Some of the experiences I've had with Laura in the last year or so have shaped who I am today and who I want to one day be and some of the memories we've created I GUARANTEE will be with me forever. I'm thankful for you in my life the past year-ish and I look forward to seeing what this next year of life has in store!

So, happy birthday, my sweet, sweet friend. I love you. Big time. 

In my life, you are something beautiful.

Little likes

I like afternoon adventures with friends and sisters.

I like this late-fall time of year.

I like when the beauty of nature surprises you and makes you "ooh" and "ahh" like you're looking at someone's cute new baby.

I like Madison.

I like romantic reds.

I like spending time alone, quiet.

I like bonfires.

It would appear I like big snippy tools and scary faces.

I like that life is a journey.

When I grow up...

The other day I enrolled for a May graduation. And Monday I register for my last semester of college. Crazy!!

So on my mind a lot lately has been the big "what's next?" question. I don't yet know where I might be called to work, serve and live next year. But while I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I think the Lord is using this year in a lot of ways to show me who I want to be when I grow up.

When I grow up, I want to be Callie, my good friend and co-leader. Yesterday, 11/11/11 was Callie's birthday, and I LOVED celebrating her (with, ironically, 11 friends.)

Yesterday in particular I realized just how incredibly thankful I am for her in my life, mostly because of really an unparalleled joy she has- day to day she just lives and loves joyfully. Callie is fun and lighthearted and adventurous and upbeat and just.. joyful!

When I grow up, I want to be Marc. At DAIS, a domestic abuse shelter I volunteer at, I work with a few dozen kids each week, a few of which are Marc, an 11 year old boy and Michael, his absolutely adorable 6 year old brother. Marc just clearly thinks the world of Michael; he is protective and kind and nurturing to his little brother. One night this week I spent nearly two hours playing with Michael, making food out of Play-Doh and just chatting and laughing. At the end of the evening, as the kids program was winding down, Marc pulled me aside and asked if he could talk to me for a minute. I walked over to the corner to see what he had on his mind and he pulled from his pocket a tattered package of gum. Grabbing the very last piece of gum he said to me, "Thank you so much for being nice to Michael- I know this isn't much but it's all I have and I've been saving it to share with someone special, I want you to have this." Gah!! He is generous and loving and selfless in a way I can only dream of one day being.

When I grow up, I want to be Charlotte. This year I'm nannying five days a week for two great little girls; Ella, who is almost 9 and Charlotte, now 7. I CRAZY adore both girls but there is just an extra awesome little something that always gets me about Charlotte. She is smart and witty and confident and hilarious. She is also "fansey"- fancy. When I grow up, I hope to be fancy like Char.

Finally, as I grow up, I want to be someone whose life shouts evidence of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22 tells us:

...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Not nearly there, but I am growing!!

Psalm 27: 8

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek.

Meet: Kayla!

This school year I'm once again volunteering through AmeriCorps with Project Grow. This is an initiative to work with at-risk and under-privileged preschoolers to develop social and literacy skills in an attempt to catch them up to their peers and to help them be ready for kindergarten. Each of us volunteers is paired with one individual child, and although Arika, my partner child from last year will ALWAYS, always have a special place in my heart, this year I'm making room for Kayla, too.

Kayla is an adorable little three year old I'm so excited to get to know better, help learn and really just love well. And here she is...!

Children of God

I love the book of 1 John. Lately I have been especially hung up on this letter in general, but really snagging my attention has been 1 John 3:1-10, a snippet in my translation titled "Children of God".

One obvious reason for this is probably that I almost literally spend ALL DAY, EVERY DAY with children. But another cool reason is that I really think the Lord has been using these few verses to help remind me who I am, to remind me of my true identity in Him, which is something I've also been struggling with a little bit lately.

As "duhhh, Nicole" as this connection is, working so frequently with children lately, this piece to my identity, the fact that I am a child of God, has just grown to take on a little bit of a new meaning to me.

A few days ago at the community center I tutor at after school, an 8th grade boy told me he hated me and threatened to "shank" me. Tonight at the domestic abuse shelter, I was kicked, hit and spit on. Multiple times. When we, as Children of God, do unacceptable things, maybe not threatening another person, but just disobey and turn away from Him in other ways, God rightfully-so is mad. He stands firm in the opinion that what we've done is not okay. Just as I did in those situations.

But, as I've also seen in myself in the truly unconditional love I have for all the kids I work regularly with, our God miraculously still adores us and sees beauty and potential in us and calls out to us to come to Him. At the preschool there is a chunky little Asian boy I often work with named Winston. He, with absolutely no exaggeration, looks exactly like Russell from the movie "Up".

Winston is quirky. To put it kindly. This morning he repeatedly kissed my forehead. And yes, that got old and slobbery and get-out-of-my-space-bubble-y, but it was also so endearing. And it was something so totally "Winston" I couldn't help but just love him for it. 

So in the same way I noticed my absolute adoration for Winston, the crazy little porker, I'm reminded lately that because I am a Child of God, while He is not always pleased by my thoughts and actions, He ultimately just loves me. And sees in me things that make Him smile and laugh and think "Only my Nicole would do that..."

1 John 3:1

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"

In other, semi-related news, pictures from this year's adventure of working one on one with a child through AmeriCorps' Project Grow are coming to a blog-o-rama near you!

While I so deeply miss my "buddy" from last year, Arika, I'm paired to work with a little girl named Kayla this year who needs love and support and consistency and encouragement in her life just as badly and in many of the same ways as Arika did. And I can't wait to strive this year to deliver that to her in boatloads!

Jeremiah 29:7

"...seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

Yesterday afternoon and evening was spent driving from house to house, helping some of my YL girls get ready for their sophomore homecoming dance, taking pictures and reminding each of them how beautiful and loved they are.

Driving around the one and only Sun Prairie, I was reminded of this piece of scripture. I was reminded that while ministry sometimes feels lonely and hard and "exile"-y, the Lord has ABSOLUTELY carried me into Sun Prairie. And I am so thankful for that. In the past four years I have seen so much growth and beauty in this place. And I am just humbled to get to be a part of something like that. 

So as my girls were dancing the night away, I was and will continue to be praying to our good God for peace and prosperity in their hearts, in their friendships, in their school, in their families, in their lives.

I am called to be a person of Peace
Speaking out against the war…
Yet when I choose to close my eyes
I find myself amongst of the mob.

I am called to be a fisher
Casting lines for Another’s delight…
Yet when I choose to turn my back
I find myself standing by as the net begins to sink

I am called to be a farmer
Sowing seeds for a bountiful harvest…
Yet when I choose to satisfy my own hunger
I find myself attempting to salt the earth

I am called to be a shepherd
Watching dutifully over my flock…
Yet when I choose to ignore their safety
I find myself allowing wolves to enter the pen

I am called to be a sister
Loving others as my own kin…
Yet when I choose to serve myself
I find myself abandoning my own family

I am called to be many things
Working to reach a level of righteousness…
Yet when I choose to try and do this alone
I find that I will always fail

I am called to be a believer
Recognizing a gift that brings me life…
And when I fully understand this gift
I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude

I am called to Surrender
Giving all of myself to honor Another…
And when I choose to make this decision
I find I receive that Gift,
I find I am a person of Peace
I find I am a fisher
And a farmer
And a shepherd
And a sister

I am called to walk with Christ
Truly knowing unconditional and unfailing Love…
And when this reality becomes my own
I find I am at peace.
I find I have new life.

The Thomas Girls

Week... 6? I have been nannying, five days a week, for about a month and a half now for two girls. Ella, almost 9, and Charlotte, freshly 7, have SURPRISE-SURPRISE weaseled a way into a new corner of my heart.

Together, the three of us spend afternoons doing homework and practicing piano, but also playing Candyland (wayyyy too many times), doing craft projects, singing and dancing around the kitchen in our socks, playing with their dog Leo and going on mini adventures. 

And I just stinkin' love these girls! I know, really this is no huge revelation. But, as busy as my schedule is this semester, and although working for this family adds to that, these girls have still been a huge blessing in my life the last few weeks. Something about just living everyday life through the eyes of two little girls has planted in me a new childlike wonder for the world. And this is just huge. When I show up to pick them up from school in the afternoons, I've come from classes learning about all that is in need of reform in our nation, I've come from working with heartbreakingly disadvantaged preschoolers. I feel heavy and beat down sometimes. But daily, unknown to them, Ella and Charlotte help remind me of simple and tiny, beautiful little joys in life. 

It's no wonder Jesus had a soft spot for the little ones of the world, too.

Matthew 19:14 

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

nouwen: always good for a nugget

Try to give your agenda to God. Keep saying, 'Your will be done, not mine.' Give every part of your heart and your time to God and let God tell you what to do, where to go, when and how to respond. God does not want you to destroy yourself. Exhaustion, burnout, and depression are not signs that you are doing God's will. God is gentle and loving. God desires to give you a deep sense of safety in God's love. Once you have allowed yourself to experience that love fully, you will be better able to discern who you are being sent to in God's name.

Needed to hear those words today. And, knowing myself, will likely need to hear this message again and again. But for today, thanks Mr. Nouwen for this simple reminder.

Jesus died, but rose again. To live with his father forever. And that is fantastic news.

"...because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God thought him, because he always lives to intercede for them."

Hebrews 7:24-25 

1 Cornithians 15:58

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Laboring for the Lord is never in vain. Therefore I will serve Him goofily, joyfully, faithfully, confidently and unreservedly. Today in prayer for people I love. Tonight at our first Young Life club of the year. All day, in all ways, always.

fruit. or as the spanish say: fruta.

if you have been at all following along with my incessant tweeting, our new house blog or just talked to me in the last few weeks you'd know that our house is an absolute disaster zone right now. although eventually 205 will once again be a cute little house i'm proud to call home, right now, let's be honest, it's uggggg-ly. example:

in the midst of the nastiness, though, i noticed this the other morning.

this summer, as part of a semi-embarrassing effort to become a little more domestic i purposely experimented with new recipes and also kept a small roof-top garden. it wasn't much but it supplied me all summer with suchhh yummy basil and cherry tomatoes. the third amigo, however, the bell pepper plant, appeared to do NOTHING for about 4 months. finally, though, it produced fruit! (right? i'm pretty sure a pepper is technically fruit?)

as is customary in the inner-workings of nicole's brain, this triggered an encouraging metaphor for me :)

this summer was hard for me. i went from living in a beautiful community, bustling with the lives of 9 great girls to coming home to an entirely empty house after work most evenings. i walked with people i love dearly through too much death and heartache and tragedy. i felt attacked. old doubts and insecurities and lies resurfaced. i worked a job i hated with people who seemed to hate me. i struggled. but, as hard as it was, i also know without a doubt that it was a season of life the lord used and will continue to use to grow and teach me. 

the summer seemed to come to abrupt end when all the girls returned to madison and school started up and i don't know that i ever really properly reflected on the summer. but even so, our good good god has shown me in the last few weeks fruit of some of the hard lessons and dark days i endured this summer- just as my little red bell pepper finally produced fruit faithfully enough.

i've grown to know myself better. i more fully grasp grace and own the fact that i am a beloved daughter of the highest king. i have a better understanding of my passions and gifts and how i can serve well. i've seen fruit come out of seemingly bone-dry summer months. and can't wait to continue to spot fruta in my life and my relationships from this summer.