Meet: Kayla!

This school year I'm once again volunteering through AmeriCorps with Project Grow. This is an initiative to work with at-risk and under-privileged preschoolers to develop social and literacy skills in an attempt to catch them up to their peers and to help them be ready for kindergarten. Each of us volunteers is paired with one individual child, and although Arika, my partner child from last year will ALWAYS, always have a special place in my heart, this year I'm making room for Kayla, too.

Kayla is an adorable little three year old I'm so excited to get to know better, help learn and really just love well. And here she is...!

Children of God

I love the book of 1 John. Lately I have been especially hung up on this letter in general, but really snagging my attention has been 1 John 3:1-10, a snippet in my translation titled "Children of God".

One obvious reason for this is probably that I almost literally spend ALL DAY, EVERY DAY with children. But another cool reason is that I really think the Lord has been using these few verses to help remind me who I am, to remind me of my true identity in Him, which is something I've also been struggling with a little bit lately.

As "duhhh, Nicole" as this connection is, working so frequently with children lately, this piece to my identity, the fact that I am a child of God, has just grown to take on a little bit of a new meaning to me.

A few days ago at the community center I tutor at after school, an 8th grade boy told me he hated me and threatened to "shank" me. Tonight at the domestic abuse shelter, I was kicked, hit and spit on. Multiple times. When we, as Children of God, do unacceptable things, maybe not threatening another person, but just disobey and turn away from Him in other ways, God rightfully-so is mad. He stands firm in the opinion that what we've done is not okay. Just as I did in those situations.

But, as I've also seen in myself in the truly unconditional love I have for all the kids I work regularly with, our God miraculously still adores us and sees beauty and potential in us and calls out to us to come to Him. At the preschool there is a chunky little Asian boy I often work with named Winston. He, with absolutely no exaggeration, looks exactly like Russell from the movie "Up".

Winston is quirky. To put it kindly. This morning he repeatedly kissed my forehead. And yes, that got old and slobbery and get-out-of-my-space-bubble-y, but it was also so endearing. And it was something so totally "Winston" I couldn't help but just love him for it. 

So in the same way I noticed my absolute adoration for Winston, the crazy little porker, I'm reminded lately that because I am a Child of God, while He is not always pleased by my thoughts and actions, He ultimately just loves me. And sees in me things that make Him smile and laugh and think "Only my Nicole would do that..."

1 John 3:1

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"

In other, semi-related news, pictures from this year's adventure of working one on one with a child through AmeriCorps' Project Grow are coming to a blog-o-rama near you!

While I so deeply miss my "buddy" from last year, Arika, I'm paired to work with a little girl named Kayla this year who needs love and support and consistency and encouragement in her life just as badly and in many of the same ways as Arika did. And I can't wait to strive this year to deliver that to her in boatloads!

Jeremiah 29:7

"...seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

Yesterday afternoon and evening was spent driving from house to house, helping some of my YL girls get ready for their sophomore homecoming dance, taking pictures and reminding each of them how beautiful and loved they are.

Driving around the one and only Sun Prairie, I was reminded of this piece of scripture. I was reminded that while ministry sometimes feels lonely and hard and "exile"-y, the Lord has ABSOLUTELY carried me into Sun Prairie. And I am so thankful for that. In the past four years I have seen so much growth and beauty in this place. And I am just humbled to get to be a part of something like that. 

So as my girls were dancing the night away, I was and will continue to be praying to our good God for peace and prosperity in their hearts, in their friendships, in their school, in their families, in their lives.

I am called to be a person of Peace
Speaking out against the war…
Yet when I choose to close my eyes
I find myself amongst of the mob.

I am called to be a fisher
Casting lines for Another’s delight…
Yet when I choose to turn my back
I find myself standing by as the net begins to sink

I am called to be a farmer
Sowing seeds for a bountiful harvest…
Yet when I choose to satisfy my own hunger
I find myself attempting to salt the earth

I am called to be a shepherd
Watching dutifully over my flock…
Yet when I choose to ignore their safety
I find myself allowing wolves to enter the pen

I am called to be a sister
Loving others as my own kin…
Yet when I choose to serve myself
I find myself abandoning my own family

I am called to be many things
Working to reach a level of righteousness…
Yet when I choose to try and do this alone
I find that I will always fail

I am called to be a believer
Recognizing a gift that brings me life…
And when I fully understand this gift
I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude

I am called to Surrender
Giving all of myself to honor Another…
And when I choose to make this decision
I find I receive that Gift,
I find I am a person of Peace
I find I am a fisher
And a farmer
And a shepherd
And a sister

I am called to walk with Christ
Truly knowing unconditional and unfailing Love…
And when this reality becomes my own
I find I am at peace.
I find I have new life.

The Thomas Girls

Week... 6? I have been nannying, five days a week, for about a month and a half now for two girls. Ella, almost 9, and Charlotte, freshly 7, have SURPRISE-SURPRISE weaseled a way into a new corner of my heart.

Together, the three of us spend afternoons doing homework and practicing piano, but also playing Candyland (wayyyy too many times), doing craft projects, singing and dancing around the kitchen in our socks, playing with their dog Leo and going on mini adventures. 

And I just stinkin' love these girls! I know, really this is no huge revelation. But, as busy as my schedule is this semester, and although working for this family adds to that, these girls have still been a huge blessing in my life the last few weeks. Something about just living everyday life through the eyes of two little girls has planted in me a new childlike wonder for the world. And this is just huge. When I show up to pick them up from school in the afternoons, I've come from classes learning about all that is in need of reform in our nation, I've come from working with heartbreakingly disadvantaged preschoolers. I feel heavy and beat down sometimes. But daily, unknown to them, Ella and Charlotte help remind me of simple and tiny, beautiful little joys in life. 

It's no wonder Jesus had a soft spot for the little ones of the world, too.

Matthew 19:14 

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

nouwen: always good for a nugget

Try to give your agenda to God. Keep saying, 'Your will be done, not mine.' Give every part of your heart and your time to God and let God tell you what to do, where to go, when and how to respond. God does not want you to destroy yourself. Exhaustion, burnout, and depression are not signs that you are doing God's will. God is gentle and loving. God desires to give you a deep sense of safety in God's love. Once you have allowed yourself to experience that love fully, you will be better able to discern who you are being sent to in God's name.

Needed to hear those words today. And, knowing myself, will likely need to hear this message again and again. But for today, thanks Mr. Nouwen for this simple reminder.