Dos dias mas...

There are only two days left of Project Grow! It has been a HARD year. Literally everything that could have gone wrong and any little thing that could have sprung up to cause unexpected problems for us... has. But even so, I am so glad I stuck it out for a second year. 

I love this program, this initiative to get kids who, at age 3, are already lightyears behind their peers, ready for Kindergarten so that they stand a real chance at surviving in the academic world. I love this program, this environment where real, trusting, one-on-one relationships are fostered and encouraged. I've loved my time with Project Grow and will forever cherish the memories made this year and last.

Here, Jamarion and I are perfecting our hand shake, which by the way goes a little like this... 7 high-fives, a salute, and then "deuces!!" I clearly hadn't quite mastered it at this point. Good thing I still have two more days with this little guy.

Be Strong and Courageous

These verses from the book of Joshua- a servant of the Lord called upon after the death of Moses to lead the Israelites- have had a grip on me the last few days.

The Lord says to Joshua, and I hear him calling to me, too:

Be strong and courageous...
Be strong and very courageous...
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Another Blogger Bites the Dust? I refuse.

Blogging is HARD. I know that sounds ridiculous and, as some of my roommates call it, like a "first world problem" or complaint-- similar to me whining this morning about my favorite pair of Toms ripping or me being stressed out after receiving an email earlier this week telling me I'm almost out of cloud space... what does that mean? Am I supposed to buy another cloud?

But really. It has been so, so very difficult for me to find the time to even sit in front of my computer with nothing else on my to-do list, let alone come up with something half witty/entertaining/encouraging/worthwhile to write about. Blogging takes a little time, creativity and dedication. And while I've been awful about it lately, I don't want to give up!

I first started writing this blog with two main goals. 1) To simply capture little snapshots, memories, lessons I was learning for myself and 2) To hopefully be a source of just mini, mini pieces of insight or encouragement for anyoneeeee that might happen to stumble upon this space. Slight digression and tiny truth time: every single time I write a blog post I chuckle to myself thinking that realistically about... 6 total people read this. Either way, I still think both motives for occasionally sharing my thoughts, life updates, etc are valid and worthwhile. So blog on, I will. And here is where I find myself these days...

I was offered and accepted a job working for Young Life in Fairfax, Virginia. If you have still never heard of Young Life from me or elsewhere, go check out the website right now. I mean it. Sometime this summer, I will pack up my life in Wisconsin and head east to spend the next few years hanging out with high school students in Northern VA and introducing them to Jesus. And I just couldn't be more excited about this! Some days, it feels a lot scary and overwhelming, but the Lord certainly already has, and I know will continue to, go before me in this, and that has been such a beautiful thing already to witness and be a part of.

I am down to the last few weeks of Project Grow and this feels super bittersweet. I don't know that I will miss the early mornings or occasionally walking around campus after my time at the preschool oblivious of the fact that I have dried cheerios stuck in my hair or orange paint smeared on my shirt. But, having been a part of this incredible program for two incredible years, I have both witnessed such beautiful growth in the preschool kids we work with and have also grown in enormous ways, myself. Here are a few of the latest pictures, because let's just be honest: Jamarion is stinkin' adorable.

I just started reading a new book called "The Circle Maker". It is, so far, encouraging yet challenging me to pray bigger, bolder prayers. In the very beginning, the author writes, 

...bold prayers honor God and God honors bold prayers. God isn’t offended by your biggest dreams or boldest prayers. He is offended by anything less. If your prayers aren’t impossible to you, they are insulting to God. Why? Because they don’t require divine intervention...

Spring time is also allegedly "good music" time. Check out this musical line up and drool. A few nights ago marked my third time seeing Needtobreathe in concert.

Tonight you can find me singing along to Drew and Ellie Holcomb. And in just a few short weeks I'll also be seeing The Avett Brothers and Eric Hutchinson in concert. Soo, so good!

I came up with, what I feel pretty confident is, a GREAT idea the other day. Trader Joe's Online Dating Service. You heard it here, first. Seriously. Every time I go into Trader Joe's, there are crunchy but attractive 20- and 30-somethings obviously checking each other out, thinking to themselves, "hmm, that girl looking at the organic bananas is pretty cute..." If YL staff doesn't work out, this is the direction I'm headed next.

Final little life updates: I just discovered I LOVE brussel sprouts. And I'm not ashamed. I recently got a new phone cover and I find myself, like the various girls in my program who've gotten engaged this spring keep not-so-subtly glancing at their new sparkly rings, often stealing glances at my new iPhone swag. I started a new journal this morning and feel weird excitement and freedom flipping through the crisp, clean pages that will soon be filled. The little girls I nanny for cut their hair and donated it to Locks of Love at the request of no one-- simply because they're already generous little givers, which I love! I finally jumped on the Spotify band wagon, and though I'm still trying to figure it out, I already think it's so great! My favorite (and yes, only) little sister just decided she'll be coming to the University of Wisconsin next fall as the newest Badger of the family! And finally... next week is spring break. Hallelujah.

2 Timothy 1:7

Little kid lessons and big kid adventures

Little kid lessons

Yesterday my day quite literally began and ended playing Play-doh with some of the little ones of the world. And, partially because of the Play-doh, it was truly one of the best, most overflowing-with-joy days, but it was also insightful. I spend a lot of time with a lot of different kids in a lot of different contexts. But a blanket statement that could easily apply to all is this: I guarantee that the kids I get to work with teach me boat loads more than I could ever teach them.

Tuesdays, like most of my days, start in the preschool. In Project Grow right now we're talking about our five senses, so as part of session yesterday we made homemade, (technically) edible Play-doh. It was something the kiddos could obviously see, feel, smell, and- if they reallllly wanted- taste. The recipe called for lots of flour, LOTS of salt, a little bit of water and oil, and Kool Aid powder. So, while the end result smelled incredible (mine was Ice Blue Raspberry Lemonade, mmmm), truthfully I don't think you could have paid me enough to taste it. Some of the preschoolers, a little skeptically, first turned the stuff over in their little hands, but they all without hesitation tasted at least a little hunk of the colorful goop. No one told them they had to. They just wanted the full experience I think. They are so open! And willing!

This simple activity just served as a small but powerful reminder to me, in contrast to my crusty old lady-ness and "grody, I'm not tasting that"-attitude, that part of the childlike faith Jesus calls us to absolutely involves just being open, willing, curious, trusting. To nasty globs of homemade Play-Doh, perhaps, but ultimately also just to his father's will and the leading of the Spirit. To experience life to the full, in some ways we must become like these little tots.

My Tuesdays then end at DAIS, the domestic abuse shelter I volunteer at, where I essentially just play with and love on kids of families temporarily seeking refuge and safety from heartbreaking and messy things. Last night a new family checked into the shelter, a family consisting of a mother and two little boys- all of whom speak exclusively Spanish. It quickly became apparent that, of all the other volunteers there last night, I was the only one with any knowledge of the language and thus by default, Riley and Leonardo's all-time buddy for the evening. While I am still frustratingly close to finishing a Spanish major and at one point was really decently fluent in the language, I have truthfully not spoken the language in close to two years. So, I was nervous. The whole situation felt a little yikesy and overwhelming. How on earthhhh was I going to play with two little boys for a few hours with just the pathetic remnants of what I'd picked up in Spanish classes over the years?

But God is good! And He provides! I sit here writing this STILL in awe of last night. By His grace I weirdly remembered obscure words for toys, verbs of fun things to do and try, phrases of encouragement. Last night I spent hours bantering back and forth over Play-doh with Riley in a language I thought I'd entirely forgotten. I bounced Leonardo on my lap singing him kids songs in Spanish. WHAT?! It was powerful. Those two chiquititos showed me just how laughter and fun and Play-doh playing and joy and love transcend language and culture. What a beautiful thing.

Now on, quickly, to big kid adventures!

Tomorrow I leave to spend the weekend visiting and interviewing for a job in Young Life's DC Metro region. And while I don't know yet exactly what might come of it,  I can say with such certainty that in the process that's lead me even to this point, it has been the Lord's hand guiding and pushing me. Which is soooo... reassuring. And exciting! Let's see what's in store.

Limited

Sometimes I LOVE realizing just how much I absolutely stink.

I tend to keep myself busy... overly busy most of my friends and family would probably say. I forget that I am not limitless. I forget, truthfully, that I'm so, so very human.

But lately, I've been repeatedly noticing just how LIMITED a person I am. My love has limits. My understanding has limits. My patience has limits. My ability to constantly go-go-go is limited.

In realizing just how finite a being I am, however, it's become beautifully clear to me in new ways just how absolutely infinite our God is. I see myself become exhausted, frustrated, burdened, impatient, and judgmental. But I am reminded that the Lord is more infinite than I could ever fathom. His love and His promises are everlasting, new each morning, dripping of grace and forgiveness.

C.S. Lewis, in his book, The Four Loves, writes...

“Man approaches God most nearly when he is in one sense least like God. For what can be more unlike than fullness and need, sovereignty and humility, righteousness and penitence, limitless power and a cry for help?” 

I'm realizing again just how needy I am. I've been humbled. I am penitent. I'm crying for help. 


But in being reminded that I am limited, I am reminded that my Father is not. In seeing all that I am not, I have clarity to see all that He is. And how goooood is that?

Retreat

"Jesus needed frequent retreat and solitude to do his work.Yet we somehow think we can do without what he deemed essential." Richard Foster

Guilty.

Enjoying a mid-day, mid-week retreat.